So I did a story about this last week. Its taken awhile for me to get my head around everything that went through my mind. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew what the theme of the event was going to be. I didn’t realise how much it would hit me or cj my partner.
We were in a sea of people that have all suffered what we did. May not of been at the stage we did but the pain is still the same. Having these people reading poems and singing songs broke me. The words they put together the pain behind each word spoken, broke me. I actually felt like my heart was being ripped to pieces again and I was right back where they told me she was gone.
I also found acceptance though, which was a weird feeling at the time. I wasnt alone in my pain, we were all together feeling the same emotions. We were no longer alone in our feelings but together honouring our lost babies.
Writing both my babies names on the bauble to put on the christmas tree there was like bringing them back to me in a way. They were being honoured in a way we could see and they were not alone either.
Christmas is such a hard time for parents in our shoes because we have no baby to create memories with. For me I have no children yet which makes christmas a lot worse. I also know this years one will hit even worse because its the first for Amelias but also her grandfather who pasted 5 days after she was born. I know they are together up there but we are still greiving their loss. I am trying to be positive but its so hard at the moment.
My Journey 