I had my first ‘keeping in touch’ days in work on thursday just gone. Now with the company I work with I get 10 days to work whenever I want before I come back of baby leave. Now I don’t go back until feburary next year so I could do one day a week going towards coming back full term. This is great because I work in a childs shop and have babies in all the time. So I was really nervers going in before christmas.
Now that I did a small 4 hour work shift on thursday I am ok going back ish. Honestly work itself felt like no time had past and everything was still the same part from a couple business changes but that doesnt effect my job much. What I couldn’t get in my head was how I was feeling. I felt very disconnected with it all and was just going through the motions.
I have realised that I don’t feel like myself anymore. I went through the stages of becoming a mum. This time last year I was getting ready to find out my babies gender and was all excited to meet her. Now I feel lost and not myself. I can’t go back to how I was before losing my daughter but I don’t know how to go forward either. I am very lost at the moment and I don’t know how to find myself again.
I can look in a mirror and I dont see me anymore. The happy hopeful me with joy in their eyes. I feel like a zombie going through the stages of life and its disconnecting from the world too. If you all have any ideas I can do to help find myself again I would love to hear it because I am very lost at the moment and unsure how to go about it.
My Journey 